Dreams and Contradictions

In my first year in college, one of the courses I picked was Sociology, which is simply the study of society. And to be honest, I had never heard of it until I entered university campus. In this course I came across the definition of culture and other sociological terms, but what stuck with me was the differentiation of ideal culture and real culture.
In sociology, ideal culture refers to the values, beliefs, and standards a society claims to uphold, and Real culture refers to what actually happens in practice.
When applied to success, especially in the age of social media, the gap between ideal culture and real culture becomes very visible. Let’s call this the Ideal Culture of Success and the second as the real culture of success.
When it comes to the ideal culture of success, the dominant message promoted through books, motivational speakers, entrepreneurship content, and social media is: anyone can become successful, hard work always pays off, follow your passion, stay consistent and you will eventually win, failure is just a stepping stone to success the playing field is open to everyone.
This creates a modern meritocratic ideal:
“Your future is determined primarily by your effort, discipline, and mindset.”
In this worldview, success is portrayed as a direct equation:
Hard Work + Persistence = Success
Social media amplifies this ideal by showcasing entrepreneurs, athletes, influencers, artists, and business owners who “made it.”
Often, we see the highlight reel: The bestselling book, the successful startup, the viral video, the luxury car, the award, the speaking engagement.
The message becomes:
“If they did it, you can too.”;
But in the Real Culture of Successreality is much more complicated.Success is influenced by factors beyond effort: family background, social networks, timing, geography, economic conditions, access to education, luck, health, political and institutional environments.
For example:
Two equally hardworking individuals may achieve dramatically different outcomes because one has access to capital, mentorship, and opportunities while the other does not.
The real equation often looks more like:
Hard Work + Opportunity + Timing + Networks + Resources + Luck = Success
Merit matters, but merit alone is often insufficient.
The contradiction dream chasers face is that, this creates what sociologists might call a cultural contradiction.
Society tells people:
“You can be anything.”
Reality often tells them:
“Some paths are significantly harder than others.”
A young writer may be told:
“Keep writing and success will come.”
Yet thousands of talented writers never achieve commercial success, a musician may spend ten years developing their craft and still never gain an audience, a business owner may do everything “right” and still fail because of market conditions.
This creates psychological tension between expectation and reality, and in this modern age, social media intensifies the gap. Social media is particularly powerful because it selectively displays successful outcomes.
People rarely see, the failed businesses, the unpublished books, the rejected applications, the abandoned projects, the years of obscurity.
This is a classic case of survivorship bias. Millions try but a few succeed visibly. The successful few become the examples everyone studies. The invisible majority disappears from the narrative.
As a result, individuals often compare their behind-the-scenes struggles to someone else’s public success story.
The emotional consequences are that, when people fully accept the ideal culture of meritocracy, failure often becomes personalized.
Instead of saying:
“The system was difficult.”
They conclude:
“I wasn’t good enough.”
This can lead to: Self-blame, anxiety, burnout, depression, constant productivity pressure. People begin to believe every setback is a reflection of their character rather than a combination of personal and structural factors.
The interesting paradox is that the ideal culture is not entirely false. Effort, discipline, persistence, and focus genuinely improve the odds of success.
The problem is not the message itself. The problem is treating it as a guarantee. A more realistic success narrative would be:
“Hard work increases your chances of success, but it does not guarantee success.”
This view acknowledges both personal agency and structural realities.
The balanced perspective or a mature understanding of success sits between two extremes.
Extreme 1: Pure Meritocracy
“Anyone can achieve anything if they work hard enough.”
This ignores structural barriers and luck.
Extreme 2: Pure Determinism
“Nothing you do matters because the system decides everything.”
This ignores human agency and personal responsibility.
The reality is somewhere in between.
People should pursue their dreams because effort matters, skills matter, and persistence matters.
But they should also recognize that some outcomes are shaped by factors beyond their control.
Success is neither entirely earned nor entirely gifted.
It emerges from the interaction between individual effort and social reality.
Viewed through the lens of ideal culture versus real culture, one of the biggest challenges of modern life is learning how to pursue ambitious goals with commitment while accepting that the world is not perfectly meritocratic. The tension between those two truths is where many people’s struggles, frustrations, and growth experiences are found.
So, my advice is, pursue your dreams but don’t get frustrated by the highlight reels of the ideal culture of success.
Align. Focus. Execute